WAITING

Waiting is such a hard thing to do. You have to wait I was told for the good things to come to you. And in a way that is true. Wait and work hard anf this I have done. I waited for each pregancy to end and the wait was worth it as I had a beautiful gift in each child I had. Each was beautiful and each was unique and special in their own way. But that waiting wasn't hard to do as I knew that I had an end date for the wait. It's waiting for an answer from God that for me is the hardest to take. You see many people say I have the patience of Job, but I don't. Not really. You see I've waited all my life for my "DREAM HOME". But I know that at this stage in my life I will never have it. Tom my first husband drank away our future and Lanny my second husband wasted it away with bounced checks and well Glen has his idea of home and mine is miles apart. To him a home is just a place to watch tv or lay his head to rest and that is pretty much what he does. But to me a home is inviting, it's a refuge and a place where you can have family and friends over, a place where it's nice and organized. A place where I can be me. And my home reflex's me. But now I know it won't be. Maybe there's my answer. Maybe that's why I haven't gotten my "Dream Home". I'm not supposed to have one. You see I know that the poeple in my family don't make it past 63. We all die young and I am coming up on that age in a few years. So no I won't have my dream Home. I'll just have to make do with this place where the tenants kids run and jump over my head and make a mess of the yard. A place that is old and run down and haunted memories no my own.