Lonely

Have you every felt lonely? Like you don't belong where you are. Has your life every felt wrong? Sometimes actually most of the time I feel like I was born out of place. I've always felt like I was born to late that I should have been born in another time. When growing up I thought that I was adopted, that my Dad and Mom weren't really my true parents. Then later I felt like was kidnapped from the family and that they missed me very much. I know that these thoughts come from self esteem issues and that with time I should overcome them. And for the most part I have but at 55 years of age I don't think that's going to happen, at least not completely. When I hear my Brother or Sister talk about the famly in the past I winder to myself, that's not how I remember that, or where was I when that happened. I'll never know but There are times I still feel like I didn't quite belong. A few weeks ago God told me to "Be satisfied" and it was a revelation. And I can be satisfied but I am still lonely. I miss my kids and Grand kids out West in Cal and AZ but that's to be expected. But the loneliness I feel comes from somewhere deep inside. I am satisfied with the Blessings that God has given me. I'd be a fool not to be. I have Children and Grandchildren that are wonderful. But something has been missing all my life and I know it's acceptance. Acceptance for who I am and for what I want out of life. I want the simple things yet at the same time I want more. It's like two people being in one body. And no I don't have a split personality. I just know that what I want and what I get are as separate as day is to night. And that makes me lonely, and ashamed. Do I make sense here? or am I still spinning my wheels?